On Valentine’s Day

 How do you celebrate a “Hallmark Holiday” in a serious relationship?  Do you acknowledge it?  Do you ignore it?  Do you do cards, chocolate, flowers, dinner?  I am reflecting on the fact that Valentine’s Day was the favorite school-celebrated Holiday for my mom, a retired 3rd grade teacher for 24 years. She loved the joy the kids got from giving valentine’s to each other.  It’s also a favorite for my kids whose school has a tradition of exchanging specially made lunches on Valentine’s Day.  The kids each write a list of the food they would like in their lunch.  And the person who gets them gives them what they want and then decorates the package the lunch comes in, maybe throwing in a bit of candy, etc.  The kids always love the process of making the lunch that they are giving special.  They love the thought and process that goes into giving; knowing their lunch is the food they requested meets their expectations.

So maybe you should go outside your comfort zone this year and get someting for a loved one for Valentine’s Day.  Get them something that THEY LIKE.  Like many things in relationships, this is about the “who” more than about the “what.”

Does your partner like something concrete, a token?  Maybe your partner is romantic and that’s not usually the way that you roll.  Valentine’s day can serve as an excuse to do something outside your comfort zone, embracing that it’s a “silly holiday” but  an opportunity to acknowledge the relationship.  This doesn’t take a lot of effort.  If you never buy flowers, but you think your partner would like it, stretch a little, make a little effort.  If he or she has a good sense of humor, buy a cheesy card under the cover of the guise of the “silly Holiday.”  Would your partner appreciate a gesture, doing something that he or she normally does, like having the car washed, making the kids’ lunches or this year, shoveling the sidewalk?  Doing something thoughtful feels good to both the receiver and the giver, as well.

A teenage friend told me that the boy she likes is going to cook dinner for her on Valentine’s Day.  I LOVE this because it is simple, but in it’s own way a grand gesture as teenage boys don’t generally cook dinner, and it takes more effort than taking her out to dinner.  What a nice way for him to say that she is special.

If you have a tradition, stick to it.  My Dad used to always get us  kids the little red chocolate hearts each year and I would have been disappointed if they didn’t come.  But you can add a thoughtful action to your tradition and wow your loved one.  “You’re going to do the dishes while I watch Olympic Ice Skating?”  It’s just too much!